I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
