There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
