god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
where are my eyebrows?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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