just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
that is very illegal...i love you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
