My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
