So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
