This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
