So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
