How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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