Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
