i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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