Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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