I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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