It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
