I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
