My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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