apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
