sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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