Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

My Higher Power is John Stamos

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(315): View more from New York

im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!

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(415): View more from California

He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....

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(303): View more from Colorado

And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.

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(813): View more from Florida

I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.

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(727): View more from Florida

We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.

(727): View more from Florida

Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.

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