My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
