I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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