Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
