Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We need a shit load of segways right now
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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