he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
