He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
