I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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