Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
