So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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