I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
