1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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