Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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