I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize