I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
