it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have fence marks all over my body
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
