The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
