We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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