forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize