The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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