Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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