So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
