hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
