Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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