It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
