Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
