Banned from zoo.
Again?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
