So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize