went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
