So drunk its hurt
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
