Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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