I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
