i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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