I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
