he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
