Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
