Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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