so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
