So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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