mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
They have beer where we have blood.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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