I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That accounts for only three of the penises
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize