i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
