yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
