When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
