I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
