whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
