Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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