You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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