Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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