so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
