Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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