Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
