How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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