I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
