I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
