Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Hippo gnu deer
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
