Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
