You work out of a Hotel?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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