shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
