Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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