make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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