i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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