ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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