I accidentally had phone sex last night
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
