At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
