I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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