don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
