Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
