He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
