I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
how does that bad decision feel?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
