What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize