Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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