Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
