Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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