she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
