my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My penis needs a shock collar
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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