You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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