GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
