you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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