he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
