Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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