I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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